Parents weekend and two kids at different colleges

Two kids. Two colleges. One Parents Weekend.

This fall the calendar gods had a sense of humor. Both of my kids had Parents Weekend on the same weekend. Connor, my senior at the University of Connecticut, and Maddy, my freshman at James Madison University. It felt like the Universe was saying, good luck with that, Mom.

We ultimately chose UConn. Mostly because Connor’s four years have somehow flown by without us ever doing a single Parents Weekend. Sorry, bud. It felt right to give him the attention we had been promising since freshman year. Maddy, our newly minted college freshman, seemed to understand. Though I will admit I felt tremendous mom guilt watching other parents post their JMU Parents Weekend photos.

Driving up to Storrs, I had a secret agenda. Relive my own college days. I imagined keg stands, shot gunning beers, a round of questionable shots. I would ace beer pong and do it all with barely a buzz. I would be heralded as Connor’s cool mom. All followed by an early bedtime, of course. What could possibly go wrong.

As we approached Connor’s fraternity darty, his day party, he turned to me and said, please do not do anything cringe that could embarrass me. How does he know me so well. In an instant my middle aged self brought my college age self to my senses. Have a few Sun Cruisers and call it a day, which is exactly what I did. I think I had five Sun Cruisers, do not remember much of the ride home, and was in bed by eight. Cool mom strikes again.

College parenting in stereo

Throughout the day we met lots of other UConn parents, which was a lot of fun. There is something fascinating about meeting parents at this stage of life. Some are old pros, a few steps ahead, offering glimpses of our own future. I chatted with one dad, a doctor, and his wife who had downsized after all four kids left for college. Only to have them move back home one by one. Their youngest happened to be good friends with my son. We laughed about the boomerang generation and how empty nest is more of a temporary status than a permanent lifestyle.

Then the Universe threw me a fun surprise. I ran into my little sorority sister, someone I had not seen in 30 years. Her son also goes to UConn. We hugged, laughed, took a selfie and marveled at how life comes full circle in the most unexpected ways. Two college moms who once shared dorm bathrooms now comparing stories about tuition, internships and how none of us are sleeping any better than we did back then.

Meanwhile at JMU, my daughter was having her own Parents Weekend without her actual parents. Luckily she has what I call her adopted parents there. Our New Jersey family friends whose daughter graduated high school with Maddy and whose oldest is also a Duke. Knowing she had a warm, familiar safety net made it easier to miss the weekend. And let us be honest. She was probably just as happy not to have us embarrassing her with photos and me wearing my JMU Mom swag.

The sweet, messy middle of parenthood

It was bittersweet, this milestone moment. One kid getting ready to launch, the other just beginning. Parenthood in stereo. Endings and beginnings playing at the same time.

As we left UConn that evening, proud of not fully reliving my college years and not embarrassing my first born too much, I felt both nostalgic and hopeful. We are in that weird in between space. Not quite empty nesters, not quite in the thick of it, but savoring the sweet, messy middle.

How are you feeling about your child’s college journey. Does it make you nostalgic for the good old days. Or does it make you realize we are quickly getting past the halfway mark of life.

5 truths about navigating college parenting in your 50s

1. You cannot be everywhere and that is okay

Two kids, two colleges, one weekend. Sometimes you have to make an impossible choice. The guilt is real, but so is the fact that your kids are learning independence, even when you are not there.

2. Your cool parent fantasy needs a reality check

That vision of reliving your college glory days ends with five Sun Cruisers and an eight o clock bedtime. And that is exactly how it should be. You are not their friend. You are their parent. Plus your body cannot do what it did at 20.

3. You are parenting beginnings and endings at once

One kid graduating and another just starting. It is disorienting and beautiful. You are celebrating launch and fresh starts at the same time, which means your emotions will be all over the place. Let them.

4. The village you built decades ago still matters

Old sorority sisters, family friends, neighbor parents. These connections are the long game of parenting. The relationships you invested in early keep paying dividends when you need them most.

5. Empty nest is more intermission than finale

That doctor dad with four boomerang kids. He is your future. The nest empties and refills in waves, so do not get attached to any single version of what comes next. Stay flexible, laugh at the chaos and enjoy the messy middle where the best memories are made.