Preface: Full disclosure—I’m 58, divorced, and have no business giving advice on middle-aged dating. However, over the past month, I’ve had several conversations with friends (admittedly while standing at the bar) who confess that love and romance with their spouses have fizzled after years of raising kids, leaving them in a bit of a crisis now that their house is an empty nest. That got me thinking: What would dating your spouse look like at this stage of life?

Curious, I decided to explore the idea. I’m not here to give advice but rather to share some thoughts, insights from friends, and a little humor on the topic. So, with care (and a dash of curiosity), I present this post.

Time To Date Your Spouse Again

Ah, the joys of empty nesting. The kids have moved out, the house is quieter, and for the first time in years, your Wi-Fi actually works at full speed. There are no mystery dishes in the sink, no urgent late-night runs to buy poster board for a forgotten science project, and no one yelling, “Mom, we’re out of milk!” for the third time in a week. Paradise, right?

That is, until you sit down for dinner with your spouse—the person you’ve co-parented with for decades—and realize you’re not entirely sure what to talk about anymore. When was the last time you went on a date that didn’t involve a PTA meeting or debating the merits of buying paper towels in bulk at Costco? If this scenario sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Studies show that empty nesters often experience a mix of relief and confusion as they transition from being full-time parents to full-time spouses again. In fact, according to research, marital satisfaction tends to increase after the kids leave home—but only if couples actively reconnect.

Welcome to middle-aged dating, where romance now involves bifocals, a preference for early-bird specials, and a strict rule that any evening activity must be completed before 9 p.m.

Learning to Talk Again (Without Bringing Up the Kids Every Five Seconds)

For years, your conversations revolved around your children—their grades, their extracurriculars, their questionable taste in friends. Now that they’re gone, you may suddenly find yourself at a loss. What do two people who have spent decades managing carpool schedules and teenage meltdowns talk about when there are no more curfews to enforce?

It turns out, this is a common struggle for long-term couples. The good news? That person you married is still there—just possibly buried under years of “Did you remember to sign the permission slip?” texts.

The key is to get curious about each other again. What hobbies have you always wanted to try? What’s a new place you’ve never been together? Even if it feels awkward at first, that’s part of the fun. Think of it as dating again—except this time, there’s no pressure to impress each other with fake job ambitions or youthful energy.

Planning a Date (Because Spontaneity is a Young Person’s Game)

Remember when a great date night meant throwing on something cute and hitting the town on a whim? Yeah, those days are over. Now, if it’s not on the calendar, it’s probably not happening.

But that doesn’t mean dating can’t be fun—it just means you have to be intentional. A dinner reservation at 5:30 p.m.? Sounds ideal. No crowds, no noise, and you’ll be home in time to put on comfy pants and catch the latest episode of Jeopardy. A night at a comedy show? Perfect—provided the headliner starts before your usual bedtime.

And don’t underestimate the power of an at-home date night. Ordering takeout and watching a movie without interruptions is a luxury you haven’t experienced in years. The important thing is to prioritize time together, even if that means trading wild nights out for cozy nights in.

Flirting 101: The Rusty (But Still Functional) Edition

If flirting feels like a skill you lost somewhere between diaper changes and college drop-offs, you’re not alone. After decades of partnership, couples tend to shift into a “functional” relationship mode, focused more on running a household than on romance. But here’s the secret—flirting doesn’t have to be complicated.

It might not look like it did in your 20s, but it can still be fun. Maybe it’s a spontaneous compliment, a playful inside joke, or—brace yourself—a flirty text message (yes, even if your spouse is in the next room). It might sound something like this:

Wife: “Wow, you look really nice today. Did you actually pick out that shirt yourself?”

Husband: “Thanks! I thought it was time to switch things up. Plus, this one still fits from 2017.”

You don’t have to be smooth—just engaged. A little bit of humor, a little bit of affection, and a willingness to be playful go a long way.

Redefining “A Wild Night”

Once upon a time, your idea of a wild night involved staying out until sunrise, bar-hopping, or road-tripping with no plan. These days, wild looks a little different. If you manage to stay awake through an entire movie, you deserve a medal. If you order your own dessert instead of sharing, you’re living on the edge. And if you go for a second glass of wine and actually finish it, congratulations—you’re officially reckless.

The truth is, romance doesn’t have to mean high-energy outings. It’s about finding joy in the little things—whether that’s laughing over an old memory, trying something new together, or simply enjoying a quiet evening without interruptions.

The Adventure of Rediscovering Each Other

Empty nesting isn’t just about adjusting to a quieter house; it’s about embracing the chance to reconnect. For years, your identities were shaped by being “Mom” and “Dad,” but now you get to be you again. This isn’t the end of something—it’s the beginning of a new chapter.

So go ahead, plan that date night, flirt like you’re 25 (even if your back pain says otherwise), and lean into this phase of life with curiosity and humor. And if all else fails? Take a trip to Costco together. Because, let’s be honest, there’s still something oddly romantic about debating whether or not you really need that 50-pack of granola bars.